8 replies to this topic

[Helmetfire]

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving
$25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

[pritch]

lol

[adamw]

Have you heard (this is true) that the UK Navy is equiping a new nuclear sub witha defence system running... Windows 2000

TRUE!

Start the jokes rolling...

[StarScream]

Have you heard (this is true) that the UK Navy is equiping a new nuclear sub witha defence system running... Windows 2000

TRUE!

Start the jokes rolling...

Why not XP? They could have a beautifully skinned console from where they launch their missiles and stuff.

I hope they AT LEAST install service pack 4 and all the other necessary updates. Then we might just have a hope in hell... oh who am I kidding... we're all F**ked!

Guess I won't be doing much more pyro/rocketry stuff until the fallout shelter is finished!

[adamw]

I am just imagining the 'Windows Helper' (animated paperclip etc) asking:

"Are you sure you want to launch ICBM?"

or an error message:

"No media in missile bay. Insert media or click Cancel"

[RegimentalPyro]

You appear to be trying to instigate regime change

Would you like to
1) Express mild rebuke in the UN
2) Accuse the government of wrongdoing
3) Launch missiles

Edited by RegimentalPyro, 25 October 2004 - 08:50 PM.

[Richard H]

ICBM has performed an illegal operation If Bill Gates made cars we'd all be dead!

[pritch]

lighting system error: Entire system including life support will now shutdown

[zanes]

Welcome to the ICBM launch wizard. This wizard will launch the ICBM at the country of your choice.

1. Make sure that there is a missile in the silo. If the MOD has sold them to canada, go to step 5.

2. Input coordinates of country (Hint: If it is middle eastern, as far as this government is concerned it can land anywhere within an 1000km radius)

3. Turn key to 'arm'

4. Wait for captains command. If he has been sold to the canadians, go to step 5.

5. Press launch button. Watch as smoke billows from the launch bay.

6. Realise that there is a fire on the submarine.

7. Wait until Irish tugs arrive.

8. Get towed back to Irish port. Realise that the Navy is short funded. Leave navy and start a writing career.

Was this wizard helpful to you? If you click yes, microsoft will installed a program that monitors your internet use so we can improve your experience (sound like spyware?)